


like madness in the brain

by passing-fanciful (kageygirl)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageygirl/pseuds/passing-fanciful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And to be wroth with one we love,<br/>Doth work like madness in the brain.<br/>-Samuel Taylor Coleridge</p>
<p>Episode tag for 4x03, "Rocky Road."</p>
            </blockquote>





	like madness in the brain

After everything that's happened, she's kind of hoping Will Scarlet might pop up again. 

She could use something to hit, and he's just begging to get punched in the face.

They're on their way out of the woods, after deciding that no one should touch the blue glowy miniature ice palace--thing--without a better idea of what's going on with it. Elsa's still a little shaken from everything Storybrooke's newest high-fashion villain said to her (and Emma is, too; despite what David said, she _knows_ it's not the savior-sheriff-princess thing). So Emma's walking with her, taking it slow, Killian and David up ahead of them. 

They're both throwing completely unsubtle looks at Emma over their shoulders every so often, to which she's been much more successfully not-reacting. She's not quite up to another pep talk from her dad, and as for Killian...

Her jaw clenches, and she breathes in, out, trying not to boil over again. And she's obviously doing a bang-up job of it, because now Elsa's glancing over at her, too, concern drawing her eyebrows low and her mouth tight.

Great.

She shoves it down, hard--Elsa's not the one she's pissed at, and Emma doesn't want her to think otherwise. "Still hanging in?" she asks quietly, and Elsa gives her one of those sad half-smiles.

"I honestly don't know." Elsa rubs her hands together, flexing her fingers gently. "I think... I think perhaps my magic is coming back, though."

"Good."

"Is it?" Elsa looks away, the smile dropping off her face, and now there's anxiety in the way she's twisting her fingers together. "It might be better for everyone if she'd taken it forever."

"That's not true," Emma says quickly, shaking her head. "It's a part of you, part of who you are." Elsa's looking back at her now, eyes a little wide at the forcefulness in her voice. 

Emma's kind of surprised herself; her smile comes out rueful, and she waves her hand in a vague gesture between them. "I--had something similar happen a little while back. I needed a push to realize what I'd be missing out on if I only lived part of my life."

Elsa looks ahead to the two men, then back at Emma, something girlish and conspiratorial in her face that makes her look younger. "Did Killian give you that push?"

"He--helped," she says, but the half-lie clogs her throat, makes her voice low and her tone less than convincing.

Elsa picks her way carefully over a fallen tree, keeping her dress from snarling in the branches, then looks back at Emma. "You said you didn't have control of your magic. What I saw back there was impressive."

Emma curls her hand into a loose fist. "It would've been more impressive if we'd _caught_ her."

And now they're right back in the middle of it again--same shit, different day--chasing a sorceress with unknown motives (besides fucking up Emma's life, because as far as she can tell, that's _always_ on the menu).

Before, though, she had Killian with her, every step of the way. "Courting danger," as he put it. And now… now, that's the last thing she wants.

Except that being the savior means she doesn't get to be selfish. And he _is_ good in a fight, and he's smart and he's devious in a way that _gets shit done_ , and he makes her… better. But it's selfish, too, wanting him beside her, when that puts him out there in the line of fire (and at the mercy of another _murderous fucking witch_ ) and she just…

She _can't_.

She clenches her fist, hard, feeling the ache as her tendons stretch and her muscles cramp. 

"Please don't be angry with him for going against your wishes." Elsa's voice startles her out of her own head, soft, but serious. "It was as much my idea as his."

Emma stretches her hand out, but the tension is still there. She stares at his back, tries not to think about what she'd have found if they'd been a few seconds slower, if her magic hadn't been enough. Tries not to imagine that coat shredded, blood running down the leather, seeping into the forest floor. "He's a bad influence," she says, and hears the strain of keeping it together in her own voice.

"And I am a queen, and not so easily swayed," Elsa says, lightly, but there's something off in her voice, a tremor that Emma hasn't heard since the ice cave, and Emma blinks at her.

And sees something more in Elsa's eyes--she's freaked, too, about what almost happened, about her magic failing her, about not being able to help. But she's not making excuses, and she doesn't want any to be made for her. Emma can't help but respect that, because she knows the feeling.

It's the same kind of fear that Emma's keeping wrapped up in that tight ball of anger-- _what if she hadn't been good enough_ \--because if it breaks free, she's not sure it won't bring her to her knees.

"Yeah, okay," she says, her throat tight. Elsa nods, a little jerky.

Then the mask of the Queen of Arendelle slips away, and she's just Elsa, stepping closer and lowering her own voice as she nods ahead of them. "Your pirate cares for you a great deal."

"He's"-- _not_ my _pirate_ , she almost says, purely by instinct, but then she remembers that the day they met, Elsa got to witness some pretty hardcore snuggling. Denying it wouldn't even be transparent; it would just be ridiculous. She swallows, and says, "You saw what almost happened. He's a liability."

Elsa frowns at her, in something that looks a lot like disappointment. "You don't mean that."

She really, really doesn't, and the admonishment in Elsa's voice is almost as bad as the hot twist of shame in her gut when she remembers having said something similar about him not that long ago. 

But she says nothing, just presses her lips together as the squad car comes into view, Killian and David waiting by the doors for them to catch up.

Elsa puts her hand on Emma's arm, stopping her before they get within earshot. "Emma, you should know--his only concern was for your safety." 

"I know," she breathes, and can't help the pained grimace that crosses her face. "I know it was." She steps away from Elsa, turning to the car (and him, with those blue, blue eyes that she can't let herself look into right now, or she will just _fucking lose it_.) Her hands ball themselves into fists again, and this, this kind of pain, this is what she knows how to handle. "That's the _problem_."


End file.
